That broken bone up there – that’s mine. The middle finger of my right hand to be specific. Yes, my dominant hand – yes, my shooting hand. So it’s taken me exactly one month to write this post because I thought, “hey! I birthed two 10 pound babies, I have had 5 abdominal surgeries, I have fallen down stairs and not had a scratch on me; this broken finger ain’t got nothing on me!” Well, I was wrong. Let me rephrase that – I was REALLY WRONG. This broken finger has done something not even having a 10 pound baby in the middle of wedding season did – it has slowed me down to a frustrating pace in every single aspect of my life. Suddenly the simplest task as become an event. I have never missed a 5 minute shower more. With a cast covering my right hand and wrist I am not able to cook, do 80% of the household chores I normally do and caring for my kids is almost comically difficult. Have you ever changed a really poopy diaper on a squirmy 2 year old with one hand? It’s pretty much the worst. We won’t even talk about how spring break and them being home all day is going. I think you’ve probably figured it out all on your own.
The hardest part of this has been not being able to meet the expectations I have for myself when it comes to my work and my clients. Writing this post thus far has taken almost an hour, a simple email takes 10-15 minutes of single-handedly punching letters out on the keyboard and tons of mistakes. Editing photos has left me in tears of frustration more than once and is taking me so much longer than I’m used to. And I have had to learn to do something incredibly difficult for me, I have had to learn to say no. There are just some things I can’t do right now, and as much as it kills me I know putting limits on what I commit to is best for everyone.
Yesterday I went to the doctor with the expectation of being healed, having the cast removed and getting back to business as usual. Well, that didn’t happen. I am not healed. I’m back in a cast, and honestly my heart is just as broken as my finger. After seeing what was under that cast, and what is on the x-rays I realized business as usually is going to take a little while even when I’m free of this cast. Blessedly, my right index finger and thumb did not have to be casted this time around which will make things a tiny bit easier – I mean at least I can pinch stuff now! But I’m still moving at a snails pace.
So this is where I ask for your patience and your understanding when it comes to things like returning emails quickly, editing your pretty pictures and all that goodness. I am REALLY trying over here and I promise, as always, to do my very best. Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to me, who has helped me with shoots (Lisa and PJ I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done to help me), talked me off emotional ledges, and let me know in the end this is all gonna be okay. Despite the deep frustration this has caused, some really good things have come out of this as well.. Above all I find myself grateful for this experience. I know there are others who have it harder than I do, but I am grateful for this bump in the road and those who have helped me as I work on bumping through. I’ll keep you posted, and hopefully I’ll be back in the swing of things before too long.